Why America?

I am scared of what the future of my county will look like after what has happened.

• Being disabled I am worried about my future
• Being a part of the LGBT+ community I am worried about my future
• Being a woman I am worried about my future
• I am worried for the life me girlfriend will have because she is trans

I had an idea of what my future will be like and like everyone it has changed a few times. If you asked me yesterday what I thought my future would look like this is what I would have told you.

I will graduate college and find a job. Sophia and I would live together in a cute little studio apartment because we would always want to be together so why spend extra money for more space when we would just be together. We would save our money for Sophia to get surgery and whatever else she needed to transition. After her transition we would get married. If I had my way she would propose to me at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. We would ether get married on the skull of the skeleton art thing in The Fault in our Stars or some place outdoors covered in snow. Sophia and I would both where dresses but hers would be more of a mermaid or A=line style while I had a giant princess dress and we would live happily ever after.

Now I do not know if any of that will happen…and that is scary.

I want to live in a county where my girlfriend can live the life she wants, where I don’t have to worry about being able to get married to a woman, and I shouldn’t have to be worried because I was born with cancer and am now blind.

Really can we just think about what this county has done for a sec…. We elected someone to office who has publicly mocked a disabled person… someone who did not choice the life they have and should not be put down by the leader of the country.

In the end I did my part and can not change anything. The moon will set and the sun will rise and we can still find hope in the strangest of places.

XOXO

Lola

 

When do you stand up for what’s right vs just doing what’s easy?

And what is “right” anyway?
This is something I have been thinking about a lot over the past week because of a long list of reasons that I believe should not have occurred.

For the past year and a half I have been president of a group for blind students. This group is part of a larger group of the blind that has state chapters as well as national events. I have attended several events and have been actively involved with the group as a whole for about 8 years. Each year there is a state convention where speakers talk about topics concerning the blind community and the student chapter has a very prominent roll in the weekend holding a student lunch, business meeting breakfast, and a large social fundraising event.

Naturally as the student president I have spent months of time getting everything prepared. After hours on conference calls and hundreds of emails all I had to do was pack and get there safely.

This is where things get interesting…..

Wednesday

It was about 7-8 at night and I was just watching an episode of Real Housewives when I get a phone call from Avery (who is the state president of the organization I’m involved with). I answer the phone thinking she needs to finalize something before the weekend.

Oh how wrong I was….

She called to inform  me that “they” think it is best that I not run for student president again and “they” have already found someone who is willing and able to take over for me. I know she said more but all my energy was spent trying to conceal my crying (more like sobbing) so I have no idea what she said.

I am still mad over this phone call because it came out of the blue from a person who told me 2 months earlier how amazing I’m doing and even asking if I was interested in being on the state board. Then I just get a phone call saying they ALREADY found someone else while knowing I wanted to continue being president and WITHOUT EVEN GIVING ME A REASON!!!! It’s been a week and I’m still mad about it.

For the rest of the night I cried and felt horrible about myself thinking it was something I did yet not knowing what it could be. For a year and a half all I heard was how great I was doing from everyone so what changed?

Thursday

My mom was off work so she woke me up because she fixed lunch (mac and cheeses to be exact) and I needed to eat. I didn’t want to get out of bed at all but went to get food anyway. My mom knew I was still mad/upset/annoyed from the night before and said I should call someone and figure out why they wanted someone else. After about her 15th time saying it I listened and called Chloe who is also on the state board and I felt more comfortable talking to.

Our conversations went better than the one I had the night before but I still didn’t feel 100% ok. 

Chloe told me that she was not involved in the decision to find a new president but she was told about it. She explained that she thought they were telling me so 1. I wouldn’t be surprised the day of elections and more importantly 2. so I wouldn’t run and win.
Can we all just pause here and take a moment to agree that this is VERY wrong? They want me to NOT run because I WOULD WIN….how is that a bad thing?

I thought elections where there to let the people have a voice and be able to choice who they want to represent them….not a pre-planed dictatorship.

Back to the phone call…..

Chloe continued on to say that the other person they picked, Milly, would not understand that she lost because people know me more.

Let’s press that pause button again…..So the ADULTS in this group want a high school student to be president but she can’t handle losing so I don’t even get a chance to run. Again this is not making a lot of sense from a group of people consisting mostly of Lawyers…

I continue to be told that by Chloe that she thinks they chose now-of-all-times because I am still a student and would be around to help her learn the role and “create a smooth transition.” I’m all for a smooth transition but I do not see how it can be that smooth when you have no prior training on how to do the position you are assigned to do.

After the phone call I could not just let this go. I half way understood why they wanted a new president but I was still not okay with how this was being handled. I decided to send an email to Avery, Chloe, and Steph (another adult who helps with student issues) and explain to them how I believed that it might be better if I stay president and Milly be 1st VP and I could give her more of the responsibilities over a year then elect her president.

After I sent that email I has looking at my email every 10 min waiting for what the reply would say but I got nothing back all night.

Friday

This was going to be a crazy day anyway with the 5hr drive and the late night from hosting our karaoke night fundraiser…all the added stress and drama was only going to make it that much worse.

The day started off with waking up an hour and a half late because I ALWAYS end up waiting until the day before to pack anything and end up  only getting a few hours of sleep. After years of doing this I should learn to start packing earlier but I haven’t yet.Waking up late then leads to leaving late and then when you leave late you ALWAYS end up with something to make you even later.

All of that happened to me. I left late and then on the drive I hit some major traffic just as I received a text from Avery. She told me that I was invited to attend the dinner for the scholarship winners at 5pm. I was thrilled..it was the first good thing that had happened but it also came with some suspicion and stress. Why? I got the text at 4:33. I was given less than 30 min notice that I was invited to a dinner that has been planed since July….whatever.

As I said I was stuck in traffic so I was doing everything I can to get there in time. I pulled into the hotel parking lot at 4:55. This gave me 5 min to park, find an outfit in my suitcase that I could wear and change clothes…easy right? Lucky for me I had a coral skater dress sitting there waiting for me as soon as I opened my suit case. I grabbed that and a pair of black wedges and ran to a bathroom to change because I had no time to check in and go to my room.

I walked into dinner at 5:01!!! I have to give myself some props for that.

Dinner was uneventful. The food was uneatable but that is to be expected with hotel catering. After dinner was the karaoke fundraiser which turned into 3 hours of me running around doing the job of 5 people all by myself while the rest of the student board just talking with each other and doing nothing. What about Milly, the soon to be president, you may ask? She was sitting with her mom in the back of the room with none other than Avery.

That was really all that happened Friday.. Avery did not say one word to me the entire night. Chloe on the other hand talked to me for about 10 minutes about how well I was doing and how well the night was going.  The students on the board didn’t say anything to me ether but I think that has to do with me being crazy busy.

Saturday

Now this day is crazy and long.

My day started at 6:45am when my alarm went off to go to breakfast at 7. Breakfast was fine and after I went to the Starbucks in the lobby. I ran into a few of the other students that were on the student board and I asked them about elections. One said she wanted to continue being on the board then left to go talk to her boyfriend and the other told me she didn’t know if she was allowed to run. This I found very interesting and I asked why she felt that way. She told me that she heard from Milly that the board was already figured out on a phone call and she was not going to be on it.

A secret phone call? That is interesting… I thought we were going to hold an ELECTION on Sunday and elections are not a per-arranged thing.

This secret phone call thing had me wondering who else knew things I didn’t know. The next person I asked was my only friend on the board, Freddie.

My Convo with Freddie

Hey Freddie! Do you know what’s going on with elections tomorrow?

Not really…I thought things were going to stay about the same

So you don’t know anything about a secret phone call?

…..no…

Well apparently there was a phone call with Milly, Avery, and Steph about who will be on the board and I’m not even allowed to run for president because I would win

THAT IS NOT RIGHT AT ALL!!!!! IT IS IN OUR CONSTITUTION THAT ANYONE CAN RUN AND MILLY BRINGS UP OUR CONSTITUTION ALL THE TIME. THEY CAN’T DO THIS TO YOU…. So are you going to run anyway?

I don’t know…I want to run because I can but on the other hand if I run I don’t want Avery and Steph to get mad and do something against me

They can’t do anything to you because then they will look bad for messing with the election.

I felt goof to know that I wasn’t the ONLY person who didn’t know what was going on but it didn’t help me know what was really going on.

I went along acting like nothing was going on during the student lunch but after I had a meeting with more students to try to talk about the mess of an election. The girls I talked to both thought I should run even tho I was told not to so I was starting to really consider it. At that point I really didn’t care what anyone there thought of me because they were all two faced people I lost all respect for. Before I was 100% set on my choice to run I wanted to talk to one more person to see what he thought of the whole thing.

I asked Mike to come up to my room before dinner so that I could talk to him and that was all that I told him. When he came I just asked him what he knew about the elections tomorrow and he said that he was going to nominate Milly for president. I was done with the conversion at that point and just wanted him to leave. Instead I acted like a bigger person and asked him why. His response was he didn’t think I wanted it.. Really now?!?!? You didn’t think I wanted it? If I didn’t want to be president I would have never been president. I said many times that I wanted it and the ideas I had for the following years and not one word from anyone. He kept talking for about 10 min before he left but I didn’t believe a single word he said.

I did make one mistake while he was there and that was mention how I was thinking about running against Milly.

This was clear the moment I walked into the area for dinner and saw Mike talking to Milly and her mom. At that moment I knew I couldn’t trust anyone and everything I thought about the organization I believed in was nothing but a joke. I was walking back to my room because I was already crying and I knew I could not handle being at dinner. As I was waiting for the elevator Freddie was there and gave me a much needed pep talk so I, again, acted like the bigger person and went to dinner. I was told that all the students where going to sit together but when Freddie and I go to the table they were sitting with some older people and had only saved a set for Freddie. I told her to just sit there and I would go to my room but she declined the spot at the “cool table” and sat with me.

Dinner was uneventful because it was full of speeches and awards. The real drama started after dinner.

I got a text from Steph asking what room the students where going to meet in because she wanted to come. I knew something was up because I had been going to these student meetings after dinner for years now and adults NEVER come. I told her we were going to meet in Freddie’s room and invited the rest of the students.

Here is my record of what happened…

Steph OK so we have elections in the morning. Milly you will be president. Freddie you will continue to be first vp. Are you ok with that?

Freddie Yeah that’s fine

Steph Great!!! Now 2nd VP. Becky said she wanted to keep this position but I don’t think she would be good..

Milly I think she shouldn’t be it because she dose not come to meetings and shes not even here now

Steph I talked to her and she said she will attend more. I also heard from Chloe that Lola wanted to be 2nd VP. Is that something you want?

Me Whatever you guess want I guess

Mike Do you have the time to do it?

We are going to pause here for a second. Did he really just ask if I had the time to be 2nd VP? Did he not notice that I had been president for the last year and a half or did he just not know how much work that really takes. Ether way he was already dead to me but he knew where to stab me again.

Milly Yeah Lola I’ll even nominate you. I really don’t want Becky on the board any more.

Me I’ll do whatever you want Milly since I guess it will be your board

Freddie Lola why don’t you tell everyone how you feel

Me Oh Freddie you are funny. If everyone wants me to be 2nd vp I’ll do it.

Steph OK so then we have MIke and Alice keeping there positions. Next is my board seat. I’m going to assume you want me to stay on the board although anyone can run against me. Then we have Milly’s old seat to fill. I think Cat would be good for that.

Time out again…. Did one of the people telling me that I couldn’t run for president again just say anyone could run against her???? At that point I was done with them all and if I wasn’t sitting in the back corner of the hotel room I would have left right then.

Cat I think now is a good time to join the student board now that I have a handle on school and living on my own.

Steph There is one other seat and I think it would be good if we give that to a scholarship winner and that is it. Does anyone else have anything to say?

Milly What time works best for everyone for our meetings because I have the national student calls during the same time.

This was the moment I stopped listening and just cried. Milly had been acting as president for who knows how long and I was the only one who didn’t know. The whole thing was a joke and fake.

That night I went back to my room and just cried until I fell asleep not knowing what I was going to do in the morning.

Sunday

This is it. I just had to get through the breakfast without sobbing or yelling at anyone and I could go home.

I had decided that I was not going to run for any position because I didn’t want to relive everything every time I was on a call and had to take orders from Milly.

When I got down to breakfast I saw all the students sitting together and didn’t save a spot for me. I was fine with that and sat at a table as far away from them as I could. I didn’t even ask them if they wanted me to run the meeting like the president should do. I figured if they tell me to do it I will but if they don’t it would be best for me.

Mike found someone to run the elections so I was off the hook. He started by telling everyone how elections work and when he was going though the positions someone was already trying to nominate Milly for president. The worst part is that is wasn’t even a student. Milly was the only one nominated and Chloe said we should vote in Lola as president. The whole room yelled Milly when she said my name. I started sobbing right then and went to the bathroom so I could cry in peace.

I stayed in there until elections where over and I got a phone call from Chloe. She said she had heard that I left the meeting crying and wanted to ask if I was okay. I told her I was fine and then she told me that she was going to call me in the next few weeks because she wanted to talk to me.

After the phone call I went to my room and took a nap until it was time to check out.

 

So that was my weekend…. I really have lost all respect for an organization that I believed in what they stood for and the only reason I am not giving up on them completely is because of Chloe. I hate how the whole thing was rigged from the beginning and everyone spent a year and a half straight up lied to my face about “what a good job I was doing” and “how I can really go placed within the group.”

The only good thing that came out of the weekend was now I don’t have to spend hours of  my weekend running a meeting and planing all the events. If anyone has actually read this whole thing thank you and I’m sorry

XOXO

 

 

 

 

 

Is Fried Chicken BBQ Food???? – Day 2

Today went better than I expected it to go from this morning. It started with all of my roombuddies gone hanging out and catching up with there firends…which is to be expected. I was just super bored all day. Like I didn’t know what to do. I decided to just color some and facetime with Niki (which funny enough might not be called Niki but more on that developing story later.)

I was suppose to go to a transfer student event but couldn’t find where it was. The thing with my school that I have a bit of a love hate relationship with is our student center. It is GREAT because it literally has everything in it. The basement is the cafeteria plus bowling, pool, hair salon and an arcade. The main floor has two coffee shops, other food options, the bookstore, a convenience store, the offices for student leadership, organizations, and greek life, the main event room and the middle is a giant pit where more-times-than-not something is going on. There is also an upstairs but I don’t quite know what is up there. There is another building that is attached that holds student health, the disability office and a few other things.

All of this in one place is AMAZING but also means that there are TONS of people in there. I could not find where this stupid thing was. After 30 min of looking I just gave up and came back to my room. I knew we were going to have a back to school BBQ that night but at this point I didn’t even know if I wanted to go or not. I was just chilling out in my room when one of my roomies asked if I wanted to go with her to the BBQ. Free food was a plus and trying to be nice I was totally in.

Now when I heard the word BBQ I thought we were going to have like hotdogs and hamburgers. LIke isn’t that what everyone has at a BBQ? I guess here the BBQ food of choice is fried chicken. I’m cool with fried chicken it just wasn’t what I was expecting. They also were kinda out of chicken by the time we got up to the line and we were in the middle. I guess no one actually thought people would show up but if you offer free food to college students WE WILL COME.

School actually starts tomorrow which is kinda excited but scary at the same time. I didn’t look up my teachers or classes so I’m going in blind….lol blind…I made a punny.

Night Y’all

XOXO Princess Cy-I

This is Just Wrong

Ok so I was out to dinner the other night with my parents. My dad is blind and has been his whole life. We went to a restaurant  that we have been to several times before and every one has heard of. 

The visit started out on the wrong foot when they didn’t know what a Braille  menu was. I thought ok find maybe it’s this persons first day. They took us to our table and said they would ask the manager about the menu. We are sitting around waiting the manager to come for 20 min. When he eventually did come it was only to say that they didn’t have it anymore because of “menu changes.” 

So apparently no menu is better than an old one now. 

They are not going to reprint an entire Braille menu for one new item. It just is not logical for them to just toss it out. 

Luckaly there was someone who could read the menu and we ordered. When the food came out my dad’s  plate was pre-cut for him. They even would put his straw in the glass because they tgought he coulded not do it himself. I kinda felt lucky the whole table was not eating on plastic and drinking out of tippy cups for ~safety~ 

I just wish restaurant workers would have a better understanding of people with disabilities. 

Yes I can’t see but I can still feed myself and cut my food. I can even order it without your help if you supply a way to. Honestly having Braille menus only help yourself.